I have been wondering for a long time what is it that I am not doing. There was a time when everything had started feeling boring. So I had dropped it all. Because nothing brought me comfort or satisfaction. Everything felt just extremely boring. I don’t think it’s a feeling I can really describe fully. You are unable to concentrate on anything because nothing brings you joy. And joy is a bit of an over statement. When nothing can even make you smile or laugh. You are in another world. A world you do not choose for yourself but a world that gets chosen for you. Being that mentally imbalanced state is quite something. Gladly those days are over. These days I am trying to get back into things I used to like. What were they? I don’t exactly remember. But writing is one of them. Every day, after work, I used to put everything aside, put on nice relaxing music and just write for an hour. Somehow this habit disappeared. I had even reached a point where I actually scheduled my writings on my off days. I’d wake up, eat, write for an hour, do some art work, do some writing again and then do some more art work. It was the most fun time I had with myself. Those days were the best.
The goal is to create that amazing time with myself again. I might not be able to write for an hour but I’ll try to write as much as I can. I need to put time aside every evening to go out, to write, to cook, eat, clean and eventually sleep. I think an evening in which I do all of that is a successful evening.
Another thing I am going to try to achieve is moving away from the mindset that this is not how life is supposed to be. While following too many travel blogs somehow I got this idea that life is not supposed to lived working in a cubicle, coming home, eating and sleeping. This idea is advertised a lot by many travel bloggers around the world. Most of them quit their jobs to pursue travelling. Quite honestly, I love travelling too and have thought about living life travelling. The truth is I don’t have the courage to go through life like that. Eventually everything gets boring, even if it is travel. If you really want to enjoy something you should do it once in a while. And if you really want to enjoy life, stop thinking about how it is supposed to be or how it can be. If you want to travel for life, quit your job and do that. If you don’t have the courage to do that, make it your business to enjoy the life you have chosen. And that’s what I have decided to do. I studied for over a decade to be here today. I have had some amazing days here and some bad ones. Most importantly, through it all, I have become a better human being. I am much more skilled, less shy and more open about my ideas. This all happened due to my work. It was a space for me where I could explore the world and myself and become a better human being. So I have decided to live it well. To try not to be bored by it and show up everyday with full energy. Eventually what makes me active in other areas of life is whether I had a good day at work or not. Yes, the idea of 9-5 everyday is advertised as boring compared to the amazing landscapes in travel, but what you gain in that timeframe and what you become is what matters. I think you can show up everyday thinking why do I have to be here or thinking I am gonna have another great day. To be honest, I don’t see much difference between working in a cubicle and travel. Both help develop people and change them in good ways. The question is how much uncertainty and uncomfortableness can one take. If you love uncertainty, go with travel; it has a lot of that. If you want something certain, go with your job and even have planned travels in between. Of course nothing beats seeing an amazing view day after day while travelling; that cannot be compared with the office view at all. But are you willing to go through that uncomfortableness to get there? If no, stay where you are; you can always travel in your vacation time. The last argument is about living your life. Work is considered (apparently) as not living your life and seeing the world is considered as living your life to the fullest. I say that’s BS. Look at the poorest people on earth. Their life is what feeds them and their family. Have they not lived their life to their fullest? They have. I think living your life to the fullest is about using the resources you have at hand to the fullest, not being in certain places. Of course you can explore if you have the time or money, but I feel that a person can live their life to the fullest even without having the time or money to explore new places. So I think this travel thing is fully overblown. Not saying it’s not the right path for some people but I think it gives the wrong idea about what you can achieve with it. Whether it be travel or work, both things throw challenges at you and change you; the only real difference is the scenery. If the scenery is what you live for, go for it. Otherwise, choose the traditional lifestyle of going to work everyday. I think it was important for me to resolve these ideas about travel before I could move further with my life. I think I was stuck in a misunderstanding. Of course, everyone writes about how they quit their job and chose the path they loved. Nobody writes about the struggle they go through. And no one writes about how these ideas of travel go through their head everyday, making them unhappy with their lives and not being able to either resolve those ideas or do something about them. I think my choice is simple: I am not brave enough to consider travelling as a way of life so I will stick with the traditional way of life. I cannot say that this decision won’t change in the future but for now, I will put this idea to rest. Yes, travel is amazing and yes I love it, and that’s why I’d rather do it once in a while and let it leave me wanting more of it than doing it everyday and being bored by it.
I hadn’t thought that I would keep writing for so long. It’s been almost 40 mins. That’s the fun about writing. It lets you explore your inner self. Today, I have explored the idea of travelling as a way of life and have put it to rest. Now I can go to work more happily and not be confused by the idea that perhaps I could be somewhere else having more fun than where I am now, living life to the fullest. That is all just an imaginary cloud it seems. The false promise of love, comfort, warmth, satisfaction and joy. Life’s too short. Live it to the fullest wherever you are. And if your mind takes you elsewhere, either go with it fully or leave it all behind and start a new day every day.