The Journey Back Home (3/6)

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Emerge, Written in December 2015

There’s so much beauty around us that we often fail to notice. As it gets colder and colder, it becomes easier to stay warmer and warmer and just be lazy. It’s as if the spirit is gone, disappeared into thin air, never to be found again (until Spring at least). Like the breath now showing up in visible form like an uninvited guest, reminding you once again that in the depths of life no matter how dark it might get, you are still alive. It angers me sometimes to have evidences of life show up uninvited in front of me. And sometimes it just leaves me teary – with tears not even wanting to fall out. They rest on the edge of my eye ever so comfortably, like snow wanting to stay in the air just a little bit longer before falling down on the ground.

It is said that Love changes everything. After losing my grandfather and finding myself in a complete haze, I realized something… that there is love all around me, even in things I refuse to accept. As the heart shatters and disappears into countless, uncollectable pieces, there are many things that go unseen. And as that happens, we tend to lose touch with what’s really in front of us. So as I walked around the buildings, hiding from every familiar living human being who could snap me back into reality simply with the terrifying words, “Sorry for your loss,” I could not help but notice that these words were said out of nothing other than love, care, concern and worry. For me.

From then on, a lot of wonderful things happened. Tears didn’t really disappear but laughter resurfaced. Lots of fun things happened in the office in the form of Christmas potluck, cupcakes, chocolates, bowling, gift exchanges and finally, a wonderful dinner with all. Needless to say, everything was yummy.

So after a lot of weekend trips made home in sadness and trying to snap out of my own brain, I realized how lucky I really am. To even be here. To be alive. It’s a blessing to even have all these wonderful things in my life. It’s a blessing to even be able to meet someone with a smile. And as I observed everyone laughing, talking and joking over the dinner table at our department’s Christmas dinner, I realized what a blessing it is to even have the chance to be gathered here.

So if, while living, you get too caught up in the complexities of life and your expectations of how it is supposed to be, remember this: if despite life’s complexities, you manage to gather all the people that you love around a table full of food at least once in a very long time, then Congratulations! You’ve made it! Whether you’ve realized it yet or not, this is what you work for. And for those who were not able to get here despite all their efforts, don’t worry. Because you are still alive. And that’s all it takes to change anything. So as your frozen tears break and melt in your eyes and roll down your cheeks without you knowing… I hope that despite the winds getting colder, your heart stays warm. May God be with you. May Love fill your heart and never leave. Happy Holidays.

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