Speaking up

I don’t know why some things are so hard. All I can say is that they are. But I think that all we can do is try and see what happens. If we never try, we don’t know what the outcome might be. If we want any say in the outcome at all, we must give it some effort. I am not a very expressive person. I can hold onto many things that I actually should have said out loud. And because those things stay in my head for a long time, when they come out, they are usually not said in the right way at all. I think part of it has to do with what kind of people are around you. Do you think they will listen to what you have to say or will they react defensively? I am not sure how I can really change myself and say what I want to. It took me 2-3 years in my workplace to speak up and say what’s on my mind. People stomped on me, walked all over me and I just got trampled on. With that experience though, I learned not to allow people to trample me anymore. I learned to speak up a little and I brought it to other’s attention that just because I am quiet and can’t stand up for myself, it doesn’t make it right for them to walk all over me all the time. While saying those words I was really scared and I cried. I still can’t always seem to say what’s on my mind. I don’t exactly know why but part of it has to do with me being scared of the other person’s reaction. That is why I feel I have to spend my life with someone I am comfortable with. Someone I feel comfortable in sharing how I feel. I don’t know whether that is a trait in specific human beings only but it is definitely not in all. Not everyone makes you feel like you have an open ground to share your heart on. Some people you have to build a defensive wall against coz you can simply never share how you truly feel because they simply never listen.

It has been snowing and melting at the same time. It was cold for a while and now it’s warming up again, causing all the melting. My boots caused me a blister so I had to change what I wear. I am not the kind of gal with million boots either so I have limited options. It’s just too sad when boots that are so brightly yellow in colour give you blisters. Like seriously, it’s just sad. You love them so much and they hurt you? Bad, bad. If we really have to go down this route, then I guess I will. “Love hurts. It’s ok.” is one of the postcards I had made for my postcard shop. And unfortunately, it’s really true. We are so used to seeing movies where everything works out but I think the reality is not like this. I think people actually hurt each other with their actions and words and that reality is confusing to me. Love should not hurt I feel. What’s the point of being in it if it brings pain? I don’t really get it. But maybe it has to do with love hurts anyway so you just have to pick the person who apparently you are allowing to hurt you? That sounds so wrong to me. I feel like people just blurt out whatever they want these days. They don’t think about how their words will impact the other person. And a person like me? Thinks million times before saying anything so as to not hurt the other person. So I don’t understand how people can possibly be so careless with what they say. Everything we do and say has an impact on another person and we must pay attention to how it affects others. If we are just sitting there blurting out whatever, then we are not being sensitive to other people’s feelings. I really wish people paid more attention to what they say and how they say it.


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