There's a longing in our hearts that takes us to places. It takes us to our dreams. Somehow, someday, our heart rips through our thoughts, our mind and stands out in a way that's impossible to avoid. Because quite honestly, it's been quiet for way too long. We have been ignoring it for way too long. The heart guides us to our purpose - the reason we were brought into this world. There's a power in our heart that cannot be defied; it shakes us to our very core, hitting our thoughts like hail hitting the trees and shedding them in the process. There's a power in our heart, a truth that can never be hidden or ignored and the longer it sits there, the more powerful it becomes.
In shaking off these layers and accepting them, I have realized something…. It is the purpose of my life. The purpose of my life, I realized, is to be a flower. To be that one thing in the world that exudes laughter and love. In listening to my heart, I have realized that the only thing real in any moment of my life - is laughter. The only moment real is the one in which we unstoppably burst into laughter and spread seeds of it into the wind to be taken far far away, into the parts of the world we may never be able to touch or see.
But laughter is not constant. The winds can change direction and flowers can wilt. What once looked beautiful can now be completely dead. The heart can tremble yet once again at the loss of the ones we once loved with all of our hearts. With their beauty, we survive. In their beauty, we thrive. Perhaps they are still beautiful, we just need to remember. When they have lost their vision, we need to be their eyes. We need to remember them for who they are and who they can be. Goodbye is temporary. For in this lifetime, they will blossom all over again. This is the life of a flower and the life I am meant to live.
Hence, with broken sentences and unfinished books, my message to the world is simple:
Live like a flower.
When it's time to wilt, wilt. When it's time to bloom, bloom. Live like a flower and bring with yourself a laughter that will rip through the sky and spread with the wind like an irresistible desire.
Keep smiling like flowers,
Ish Kish Mish
July 27, 2015, 8:17 PM, Regina, SK, Canada
It took me a really long time to realize that in this life I was a very special person. In my own life and in others'. I was a person who entered your life and never left. Someone you could never afford to be fake in front of because I always saw right through you. I saw right through the million layers you had built around yourself and made you come face-to-face with your reality. From that you wanted to escape and bullshit me over and over again. But then again, I saw right through you. In front of me, there was absolutely no escape. In front of me, you had to show who you really were and let yourself be vulnerable because the only you who could meet me was the person you really were, not the person you were trying to be. Sometimes it took months, sometimes years, sometimes even a lifetime, but that was ok. If you had met me and were part of my life, some day you understood. That you'd have to throw away all the crap about who you think you are supposed to be and let yourself be who you really are. With me, you were just you. That was the power of my presence in your life.
Hey there followers!
I haven’t written something for a while. In fact, January has passed already and it is Feb 2 today. Winter is almost over. Maybe another 2 months or so and that’s it. I am feeling much better. A large part of it had to do with not being happy in my job anymore and something shifted in my mind last month that made me realize that it’s not really that bad. For my current circumstances, it’s perfect. I can’t have a stressful job right now because my mind gets overly active about things and starts worrying. I decided that I did want a change in my job but not right now. I am also wanting to work more these days. It’s nowhere near how I used to be 2 years ago but I am trying to do as much as I can, that’s all. No stress, no worries. If I get stressed, I talk to someone so they can help me figure it out.
I have also decided that I want to capture things more. I have been inspired by Tokidoki Traveller’s videos actually. She documents life exactly as it is. Whether it is shit or awesome, she documents her true feelings. I want to do that more often. No matter what I am going through in life, I want to document it so that those who need to hear my stories can watch them. The world is a huge place and there are many many bloggers out there. But I will remember the one message I got from Gabrielle Bernstein: ”Those who need your message will find you.” So I simply have to share. Few days ago, one of the people I follow shared his mental health journey and his recent suicide attempt and why he did it. I was sad but I admired his bravery in sharing his story with others and his decision to now move on from what was causing him pain. So I have been thinking about stories. People’s stories. I am a writer and I write stories that involve me and affect my life. I think that my readers should get to read all parts of my story, the good, the bad, everything. I think there is huge power in these stories. Somewhere in these stories people find themselves and it gives them the strength to handle their life. So I think sharing what you are feeling is really important, no matter what anyone thinks of it. Because at the end of the day, even if you cannot face others, you can atleast face yourself. And quite honestly, it’s been a long time since I thought about what others have to say about what I share here. I think sharing is a very powerful thing that very few have the courage to do.
I am a person who journals. I developed this habit over years when I had no one to talk to. And even when there were others, I was a private enough person to not want to share anything with anyone. Journalling is a gift to me, a forever guiding force. My pen and paper always show me the way. So I was cleaning the other day and I ended up counting my journals. I have like 10 of them and that’s not even counting the notebooks I use for writing articles for my blog. I think that’s just amazing!!! It just made me realize how strong my inner power is!!! It means shit can happen in life but I will always be writing. Even in the most difficult of times, I was writing whenever I felt like I could. And I think that’s the power. To have the courage to get it out all on paper so that it becomes officially written. I used to hide a lot of things from the paper too because of that reason. Some things I just couldn’t write about because they are either bad experiences or just terrifying. But life had it so that I had to one day write them down on paper, even if to burn it.
Today is probably the best Friday I have had in awhile. Usually by Friday I feel so stuck in my life that I start feeling suffocated. I can see how suffocated I feel when I am on a 3 hour trip home and I can’t stop checking the time because I just want to get out my life as soon as possible. I have to make changes in my life too. I have to have a proper place to relax and unwind which I currently don’t have due to some factors. I hope to solve that within the next few months and start living by myself again. Hopefully in an apartment with a balcony! That’s what my dream is.
Other than that, life is good. Yes, I can finally say that!! 2018 has been good for me so far and I hope it remains so. I am going to do a mental health update for the entire year this year so you can see my progress. I have also started dreaming a lot more. Dream is my 2018 theme!! I love that I am able to dream again. For so long I was just stuck in the problems of life, I had no energy to explore any place or anything for that matter. It’s nice to be able to want to be somewhere and imagine exciting things in life. I am really happy about this. I hope I find the courage to do great things for myself this year. I want to make it the best year of my life. A year full of dreaming about endless possibilities. Woo!
Thanks for reading. I hope you are having a good year so far. Let me know how 2018 is treating you so far!!!
Saskatoon, SK, 8:15 pm