There's a longing in our hearts that takes us to places. It takes us to our dreams. Somehow, someday, our heart rips through our thoughts, our mind and stands out in a way that's impossible to avoid. Because quite honestly, it's been quiet for way too long. We have been ignoring it for way too long. The heart guides us to our purpose - the reason we were brought into this world. There's a power in our heart that cannot be defied; it shakes us to our very core, hitting our thoughts like hail hitting the trees and shedding them in the process. There's a power in our heart, a truth that can never be hidden or ignored and the longer it sits there, the more powerful it becomes.
In shaking off these layers and accepting them, I have realized something…. It is the purpose of my life. The purpose of my life, I realized, is to be a flower. To be that one thing in the world that exudes laughter and love. In listening to my heart, I have realized that the only thing real in any moment of my life - is laughter. The only moment real is the one in which we unstoppably burst into laughter and spread seeds of it into the wind to be taken far far away, into the parts of the world we may never be able to touch or see.
But laughter is not constant. The winds can change direction and flowers can wilt. What once looked beautiful can now be completely dead. The heart can tremble yet once again at the loss of the ones we once loved with all of our hearts. With their beauty, we survive. In their beauty, we thrive. Perhaps they are still beautiful, we just need to remember. When they have lost their vision, we need to be their eyes. We need to remember them for who they are and who they can be. Goodbye is temporary. For in this lifetime, they will blossom all over again. This is the life of a flower and the life I am meant to live.
Hence, with broken sentences and unfinished books, my message to the world is simple:
Live like a flower.
When it's time to wilt, wilt. When it's time to bloom, bloom. Live like a flower and bring with yourself a laughter that will rip through the sky and spread with the wind like an irresistible desire.
Keep smiling like flowers,
Ish Kish Mish
July 27, 2015, 8:17 PM, Regina, SK, Canada
It took me a really long time to realize that in this life I was a very special person. In my own life and in others'. I was a person who entered your life and never left. Someone you could never afford to be fake in front of because I always saw right through you. I saw right through the million layers you had built around yourself and made you come face-to-face with your reality. From that you wanted to escape and bullshit me over and over again. But then again, I saw right through you. In front of me, there was absolutely no escape. In front of me, you had to show who you really were and let yourself be vulnerable because the only you who could meet me was the person you really were, not the person you were trying to be. Sometimes it took months, sometimes years, sometimes even a lifetime, but that was ok. If you had met me and were part of my life, some day you understood. That you'd have to throw away all the crap about who you think you are supposed to be and let yourself be who you really are. With me, you were just you. That was the power of my presence in your life.
Today I realized that if your heart is so full of love that it overflows, you must learn to give it to yourself before you give it to others.
February is the month of Love and I have made a decision to do as many loving things I can for myself. And yes, this does involve making other people do things for me too. Yea, making them. I know people think that if people love you they’ll just do things for you. This is unfortunately NOT TRUE. Even if people love you they don’t know how to show it to you or put it in words or even have time to show you so it is your duty as a human being who loves yourself to tell others what they can do to make you feel loved and cared for. Love, I feel is not something you have to beg for. It is simply there whether you know it or not. And telling people how they can show that to you is not begging them to love you, it is simply giving them assistance in their already busy life. I hope people understand the difference.
I am writing today to let you know of some of my writing projects about Love that I have been working on in the past few years. 3 years ago, I completed a project called Love Yourself. This book was created by hand as part of the Dunlop Art Gallery’s art program in Regina. It is full of examples of what loving myself meant to me at the age of 25. The concept of loving myself was new to me at that time because I grew up in a family where people cared more for others than themselves. I didn’t know what it meant to care for my needs before others and how to do nice things for myself. I found doing something nice for others was something I never thought more than a second about but doing something nice for myself even it required as little as $10 required so much thinking. So every day, in that book, I recorded little things I did for myself, things that required so much courage and work. That book is going to be available to read in the Central Library sometime this year. That means anyone can walk into the Central Library in downtown Regina and read it.
The Art of Letting Others Love You:
The second writing project I started in Oct 2018 was called The Art of Letting Others Love You. I discovered over the years that I wasn’t just bad at loving myself but I was also pretty bad at letting others love me. I loved keeping people at a distance because having someone too close to me was too freaky, too vulnerable. This book is supposed to be a documentary of real events (if I don’t forget them) that record my journey of letting people into my life and my heart because quite honestly, it is the most difficult thing in this world. And I am not talking about being in a relationship, no. Because anyone can do that. I am talking about letting people in your life and your heart and trusting that they won’t break it and being ok even if they do. I haven’t actually started writing it yet because the journey has been extremely freaky and is revealing so many things about me that are extremely overwhelming to deal with but one of these days I might actually start penning it down. In some ways I already have been collecting the raw data anyways. So we’ll leave this one on the On Hold status for now lol.
I Love You:
The third writing project I started today in the spirit of the month of Love. This one is called I Love You. Everyday, I will be writing about why I love myself and how much I love myself by using examples of things I do that day. I won’t be sharing it publicly yet. I will wait for the month to be over at least but I will see how I feel a week into it. I feel like some of us long to hear few words of love and for some reason, we don’t always get them (even if we have been in love). So I decided that the things I want to hear in my life, I will write them myself. Why wait for another person when you are a good writer yourself? Especially never expect a guy to write it all out for you coz in my experience they aren’t good at expressing themselves at all lol. I remember a few years ago I would write down all the awesome things I did at work every day and then give myself motivating stickers thinking to myself that my boss would actually want to do that if he ever had time. Because quite honestly, he did appreciate my work. He just didn’t have the habit or the time to tell me about it every single moment of his life. And I am someone who needs to hear encouraging and motivating things ALL THE TIME. Without words, I feel nothing no matter how much you love, care or appreciate me. And I know that in this world people either don’t know how to express themselves or don’t have the time to do it. And sometimes, the way they express their love is simply not what makes you feel loved lol. So many complications haha. The concept of Love has many layers and I love exploring this topic because it has so much depth. Either way, my point is: do it for yourself. The things you want to hear from others, tell them to yourself. Not as them saying these to you, but as you saying it yourself. Because you are very loving, very caring. So rather than waiting for a complete stranger to discover them about you and enlightening you about them, why don’t you do that for yourself? Then if you meet someone and they tell you something nice about you, it won’t be an amazing discovery but simply a re-affirmation of what you already know to be true about yourself. Isn’t it weird that we fall in love with people who give a new perspective about ourselves? Like you could have turned your brain and used your own eyes in a different way you know. Write down 10 different ways of looking at yourself about 1 situation. I am sure you are smart enough to come up with that. When what we think about ourselves changes, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about us anymore. If you are interested in reading as I write this project, do let me know. Otherwise I’ll do my private thing as always and share it on my site when I am ready.
Do continue to send me love in words, hugs, kisses, calls, comments, messages and gifts coz I really do need a lot of love in my life right now. And I am not always great at accepting it all but so far I have been successful in opening a window through this huge wall and I am keeping it open for you in this -30 weather lol. You die if I catch cold though hahaha. Love you. Thank you for reading this.