There's a longing in our hearts that takes us to places. It takes us to our dreams. Somehow, someday, our heart rips through our thoughts, our mind and stands out in a way that's impossible to avoid. Because quite honestly, it's been quiet for way too long. We have been ignoring it for way too long. The heart guides us to our purpose - the reason we were brought into this world. There's a power in our heart that cannot be defied; it shakes us to our very core, hitting our thoughts like hail hitting the trees and shedding them in the process. There's a power in our heart, a truth that can never be hidden or ignored and the longer it sits there, the more powerful it becomes.
In shaking off these layers and accepting them, I have realized something…. It is the purpose of my life. The purpose of my life, I realized, is to be a flower. To be that one thing in the world that exudes laughter and love. In listening to my heart, I have realized that the only thing real in any moment of my life - is laughter. The only moment real is the one in which we unstoppably burst into laughter and spread seeds of it into the wind to be taken far far away, into the parts of the world we may never be able to touch or see.
But laughter is not constant. The winds can change direction and flowers can wilt. What once looked beautiful can now be completely dead. The heart can tremble yet once again at the loss of the ones we once loved with all of our hearts. With their beauty, we survive. In their beauty, we thrive. Perhaps they are still beautiful, we just need to remember. When they have lost their vision, we need to be their eyes. We need to remember them for who they are and who they can be. Goodbye is temporary. For in this lifetime, they will blossom all over again. This is the life of a flower and the life I am meant to live.
Hence, with broken sentences and unfinished books, my message to the world is simple:
Live like a flower.
When it's time to wilt, wilt. When it's time to bloom, bloom. Live like a flower and bring with yourself a laughter that will rip through the sky and spread with the wind like an irresistible desire.
Keep smiling like flowers,
Ish Kish Mish
July 27, 2015, 8:17 PM, Regina, SK, Canada
It took me a really long time to realize that in this life I was a very special person. In my own life and in others'. I was a person who entered your life and never left. Someone you could never afford to be fake in front of because I always saw right through you. I saw right through the million layers you had built around yourself and made you come face-to-face with your reality. From that you wanted to escape and bullshit me over and over again. But then again, I saw right through you. In front of me, there was absolutely no escape. In front of me, you had to show who you really were and let yourself be vulnerable because the only you who could meet me was the person you really were, not the person you were trying to be. Sometimes it took months, sometimes years, sometimes even a lifetime, but that was ok. If you had met me and were part of my life, some day you understood. That you'd have to throw away all the crap about who you think you are supposed to be and let yourself be who you really are. With me, you were just you. That was the power of my presence in your life.
Whenever I feel confused in life, I go to the library and start typing. It takes a lot of effort to get out of your office chair and into your life one. I wasn’t going to go out on lunch today. But then i realized I’ll be caught in this web of work with things flying in my head from every direction about what I still have to do. I would never be able to solve any of it because I am waiting on others but it would keep me worried. I am not having as much fun because i am typing on the phone. The computers were busy. But what got me out of the chair today was the fact that I ate lots of fruity things today. 2 to be exact. I may have done that any other day too. But today I wanted to record it. I wanted to be able to say I have spent a day in which I ate a lot of fruits. Fruits are important to me. They are sweet but much better than baked goods. Eating them makes you a sweeter person, my mother used to say. And I believe it too. So I feel pretty sweet today. I ate a greek yogurt with mango in it and had an apple for lunch. An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
I am recording these things because I have started a self-love project to pay more attention to taking care of myself. Every day, I have to record what nice thing I did for myself that day. This weekend I did a lot of nice things.
- I bought myself flowers after a long time and put them right beside my bed so I can see them
- I shaped my eyebrows
- I went to the folk festival and danced
- I made myself food including roti
- I slept a lot because I love sleeping
More importantly, I watched myself be mesmerized by lil things like a bubble of soap bursting on my hand twice in the festival, the dangling of pendulum like things on someone’s pants, the children dancing like crazy, the life slowly revealing itself to me after a long time. Sometimes things can just take over your life and all you can do is think about them. At that time nothing else seems to catch your attention. It’s important to create space. Space can only enter when matters resolve themselves. I have been trying to resolve them for a long time. And for now (however long that may be), they seem resolved. So in the space that I have right now, I want to do nice things for myself and make myself feel loved. Who knows what will happen tomorrow. It is unpredictable. Might as well make the best of the time I have.
Ish Kish Mish