There's a longing in our hearts that takes us to places. It takes us to our dreams. Somehow, someday, our heart rips through our thoughts, our mind and stands out in a way that's impossible to avoid. Because quite honestly, it's been quiet for way too long. We have been ignoring it for way too long. The heart guides us to our purpose - the reason we were brought into this world. There's a power in our heart that cannot be defied; it shakes us to our very core, hitting our thoughts like hail hitting the trees and shedding them in the process. There's a power in our heart, a truth that can never be hidden or ignored and the longer it sits there, the more powerful it becomes.
In shaking off these layers and accepting them, I have realized something…. It is the purpose of my life. The purpose of my life, I realized, is to be a flower. To be that one thing in the world that exudes laughter and love. In listening to my heart, I have realized that the only thing real in any moment of my life - is laughter. The only moment real is the one in which we unstoppably burst into laughter and spread seeds of it into the wind to be taken far far away, into the parts of the world we may never be able to touch or see.
But laughter is not constant. The winds can change direction and flowers can wilt. What once looked beautiful can now be completely dead. The heart can tremble yet once again at the loss of the ones we once loved with all of our hearts. With their beauty, we survive. In their beauty, we thrive. Perhaps they are still beautiful, we just need to remember. When they have lost their vision, we need to be their eyes. We need to remember them for who they are and who they can be. Goodbye is temporary. For in this lifetime, they will blossom all over again. This is the life of a flower and the life I am meant to live.
Hence, with broken sentences and unfinished books, my message to the world is simple:
Live like a flower.
When it's time to wilt, wilt. When it's time to bloom, bloom. Live like a flower and bring with yourself a laughter that will rip through the sky and spread with the wind like an irresistible desire.
Keep smiling like flowers,
Ish Kish Mish
July 27, 2015, 8:17 PM, Regina, SK, Canada
It took me a really long time to realize that in this life I was a very special person. In my own life and in others'. I was a person who entered your life and never left. Someone you could never afford to be fake in front of because I always saw right through you. I saw right through the million layers you had built around yourself and made you come face-to-face with your reality. From that you wanted to escape and bullshit me over and over again. But then again, I saw right through you. In front of me, there was absolutely no escape. In front of me, you had to show who you really were and let yourself be vulnerable because the only you who could meet me was the person you really were, not the person you were trying to be. Sometimes it took months, sometimes years, sometimes even a lifetime, but that was ok. If you had met me and were part of my life, some day you understood. That you'd have to throw away all the crap about who you think you are supposed to be and let yourself be who you really are. With me, you were just you. That was the power of my presence in your life.
I don’t know why some things are so hard. All I can say is that they are. But I think that all we can do is try and see what happens. If we never try, we don’t know what the outcome might be. If we want any say in the outcome at all, we must give it some effort. I am not a very expressive person. I can hold onto many things that I actually should have said out loud. And because those things stay in my head for a long time, when they come out, they are usually not said in the right way at all. I think part of it has to do with what kind of people are around you. Do you think they will listen to what you have to say or will they react defensively? I am not sure how I can really change myself and say what I want to. It took me 2-3 years in my workplace to speak up and say what’s on my mind. People stomped on me, walked all over me and I just got trampled on. With that experience though, I learned not to allow people to trample me anymore. I learned to speak up a little and I brought it to other’s attention that just because I am quiet and can’t stand up for myself, it doesn’t make it right for them to walk all over me all the time. While saying those words I was really scared and I cried. I still can’t always seem to say what’s on my mind. I don’t exactly know why but part of it has to do with me being scared of the other person’s reaction. That is why I feel I have to spend my life with someone I am comfortable with. Someone I feel comfortable in sharing how I feel. I don’t know whether that is a trait in specific human beings only but it is definitely not in all. Not everyone makes you feel like you have an open ground to share your heart on. Some people you have to build a defensive wall against coz you can simply never share how you truly feel because they simply never listen.
It has been snowing and melting at the same time. It was cold for a while and now it’s warming up again, causing all the melting. My boots caused me a blister so I had to change what I wear. I am not the kind of gal with million boots either so I have limited options. It’s just too sad when boots that are so brightly yellow in colour give you blisters. Like seriously, it’s just sad. You love them so much and they hurt you? Bad, bad. If we really have to go down this route, then I guess I will. “Love hurts. It’s ok.” is one of the postcards I had made for my postcard shop. And unfortunately, it’s really true. We are so used to seeing movies where everything works out but I think the reality is not like this. I think people actually hurt each other with their actions and words and that reality is confusing to me. Love should not hurt I feel. What’s the point of being in it if it brings pain? I don’t really get it. But maybe it has to do with love hurts anyway so you just have to pick the person who apparently you are allowing to hurt you? That sounds so wrong to me. I feel like people just blurt out whatever they want these days. They don’t think about how their words will impact the other person. And a person like me? Thinks million times before saying anything so as to not hurt the other person. So I don’t understand how people can possibly be so careless with what they say. Everything we do and say has an impact on another person and we must pay attention to how it affects others. If we are just sitting there blurting out whatever, then we are not being sensitive to other people’s feelings. I really wish people paid more attention to what they say and how they say it.