There's a longing in our hearts that takes us to places. It takes us to our dreams. Somehow, someday, our heart rips through our thoughts, our mind and stands out in a way that's impossible to avoid. Because quite honestly, it's been quiet for way too long. We have been ignoring it for way too long. The heart guides us to our purpose - the reason we were brought into this world. There's a power in our heart that cannot be defied; it shakes us to our very core, hitting our thoughts like hail hitting the trees and shedding them in the process. There's a power in our heart, a truth that can never be hidden or ignored and the longer it sits there, the more powerful it becomes.
In shaking off these layers and accepting them, I have realized something…. It is the purpose of my life. The purpose of my life, I realized, is to be a flower. To be that one thing in the world that exudes laughter and love. In listening to my heart, I have realized that the only thing real in any moment of my life - is laughter. The only moment real is the one in which we unstoppably burst into laughter and spread seeds of it into the wind to be taken far far away, into the parts of the world we may never be able to touch or see.
But laughter is not constant. The winds can change direction and flowers can wilt. What once looked beautiful can now be completely dead. The heart can tremble yet once again at the loss of the ones we once loved with all of our hearts. With their beauty, we survive. In their beauty, we thrive. Perhaps they are still beautiful, we just need to remember. When they have lost their vision, we need to be their eyes. We need to remember them for who they are and who they can be. Goodbye is temporary. For in this lifetime, they will blossom all over again. This is the life of a flower and the life I am meant to live.
Hence, with broken sentences and unfinished books, my message to the world is simple:
Live like a flower.
When it's time to wilt, wilt. When it's time to bloom, bloom. Live like a flower and bring with yourself a laughter that will rip through the sky and spread with the wind like an irresistible desire.
Keep smiling like flowers,
Ish Kish Mish
July 27, 2015, 8:17 PM, Regina, SK, Canada
It took me a really long time to realize that in this life I was a very special person. In my own life and in others'. I was a person who entered your life and never left. Someone you could never afford to be fake in front of because I always saw right through you. I saw right through the million layers you had built around yourself and made you come face-to-face with your reality. From that you wanted to escape and bullshit me over and over again. But then again, I saw right through you. In front of me, there was absolutely no escape. In front of me, you had to show who you really were and let yourself be vulnerable because the only you who could meet me was the person you really were, not the person you were trying to be. Sometimes it took months, sometimes years, sometimes even a lifetime, but that was ok. If you had met me and were part of my life, some day you understood. That you'd have to throw away all the crap about who you think you are supposed to be and let yourself be who you really are. With me, you were just you. That was the power of my presence in your life.
So I have been trying to focus on my goals for a long time and obviously failing to concentrate every single day. I am not surprised given that it’s been very hard to accept life in the past year. I didn’t know that running for my career and education would leave me so energy-less that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy anything. For the longest time in life, I felt very very tired and lots of thoughts went through my mind.
In some ways, I no longer know what kind of person I am or where I am. It’s all too confusing. I went through the collection of the articles I had written over the past few years in an attempt to launch my website but the ideas in them seemed so far away from me that I was surprised to know that I was the one who wrote them. I do not feel like going back to Facebook either; at one time it was so hard to get rid of it and when I let it go, I never wanted it back. Not surprised as that has always been my style anyways.
Somehow I feel stuck in a moment of time and unable to move forward. If I could just shut my mind, put it in a corner and ignore it completely, I will be able to focus on what’s in front of me. But I think I lost myself in what could’ve been and what should be. I am beginning to move forward and it has never been more difficult.
So, for a while, there might not be a girl who ends every sentence with laughter like she used to when she was crazy talking about k-drama characters. She might just be a lil’ bit lost and she might need some time to get back to herself and say that’s me.