How 2018 is going so far

Hey there followers! I haven’t written something for a while. In fact, January has passed already and it is Feb 2 today. Winter is almost over. Maybe another 2 months or so and that’s it. I am feeling much better. A large part of it had to do with not being happy in my job anymore and something shifted in my mind last month that made me realize that it’s not really that bad. For my current circumstances, it’s perfect. I can’t have a stressful job right now because my mind gets overly active about things and starts worrying. I…

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2018 – A year of video making

I was thinking of spending my Sunday evening the usual way: watching Netflix. But then I realized I should probably do something productive. These days I have been spending my time dreaming (my 2018 vision). Ideas are flooding into my head and quite honestly, I am not doing a good job of writing them down. Content-wise I think I want to focus a lot more on my videos now. I started a YouTube channel a few years ago but I haven’t done anything too consistently on it. I post a video once a month on what’s been making me smile…

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Being in disconnect with people around you

I was caught up in something. I forgot to focus on my main focus in life: moving forward. I was caught in thoughts such as “life sucks, ” I can’t do this anymore”, etc etc. Recently, it’s been feeling like no one wants to understand me. What people want is more important to them rather than how I am feeling. And I realize this is how you end up in a life full of shit, where people just walk alongside you with no idea of what’s going on in your head. They don’t care what emotional trouble you are going…

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Speaking up

I don’t know why some things are so hard. All I can say is that they are. But I think that all we can do is try and see what happens. If we never try, we don’t know what the outcome might be. If we want any say in the outcome at all, we must give it some effort. I am not a very expressive person. I can hold onto many things that I actually should have said out loud. And because those things stay in my head for a long time, when they come out, they are usually not…

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Life is changing

I have been a bit on the edge today. It’s weird. I tried to write this on my Facebook but I felt more comfortable writing out my feelings on my blog rather than Facebook. I feel much more safer here even though this is a platform much less private than Facebook. I think I may not want all the people I know to know what I am going through. I don’t want anyone’s attention. I just want to feel comfortable sharing who I am and my blog is the only place I feel comfortable doing that. I tried the volunteering.…

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Boosting the energy in my life

It’s at least been a month since I decided to hit the gym after work for half an hour and pump some motivation into my life. A month ago I was feeling so beaten by life and work that I wanted to do everything to get away from it all. I couldn’t bear anything in my life anymore and I wished that I could just escape to somewhere. Instead of making the stupid mistake of leaving everything behind, I told myself I couldn’t sit and feel sorry for myself. I had to do something to prevent me from feeling like…

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The first weekend by myself

I have had a pretty lazy weekend. Quite honestly, I have spent it doing absolutely nothing other than sitting around and sleeping as much as possible. It wasn’t until now I realized I should get up and eat something. Reluctantly, I made roti and finished the leftover veges my mom had given me last week. I haven’t even made anything new. Couldn’t even go get grocery. I was just too overwhelmed. Too overwhelmed with the fact that I have to work. That that’s the normal that humans live in. There’s no point talking to anyone either because that’s what everyone…

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Moments from misery – Anxiety and Depression

It’s 6:00pm. I am not home yet. I don’t have productive evenings. I go to work everyday not really feeling my best most of the times and then I come home and are even more energyless. I don’t feel like doing anything. All day and all evening. Some people like to take the easy way and call it laziness. I personally don’t know how to describe it. I have tried using some words but they sound too extreme and make me feel like there is something wrong with me. Now it might not be completely wrong that something could be…

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Making a U-turn

It’s 7:40pm. I had a busy evening today. Went to the gym and then walked to a restaurant to eat. Got home and took a shower. It was the first day of snow today. It started snowing last night and continued on all day. I was pretty bummed out all morning from just last night’s thoughts. They were rotating in my head over and over making me feel like I was stuck somewhere with absolutely no way out. That is usual with my mind. It traps in a situation and makes me feel hopeless. It doesn’t just happen with work.…

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Life right now

It’s 6:29 pm. I am back in the library. The keyboard is not standing at an angle. Most keyboards here have the stands broken. I was thinking of going home after my workout but words were flying through my head. I couldn’t stop them so I realized it’s probably not the best day to go home and lay under my blanket. Plus, I am very cold these days. The weather is changing. It’s supposed to snow tonight. It has already snowed about 3 hrs north. More snow about 4.5 hrs north. Checking the weather patterns is part of my job.…

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