Moments from misery – Anxiety and Depression

It’s 6:00pm. I am not home yet. I don’t have productive evenings. I go to work everyday not really feeling my best most of the times and then I come home and are even more energyless. I don’t feel like doing anything. All day and all evening. Some people like to take the easy way and call it laziness. I personally don’t know how to describe it. I have tried using some words but they sound too extreme and make me feel like there is something wrong with me. Now it might not be completely wrong that something could be…

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Making a U-turn

It’s 7:40pm. I had a busy evening today. Went to the gym and then walked to a restaurant to eat. Got home and took a shower. It was the first day of snow today. It started snowing last night and continued on all day. I was pretty bummed out all morning from just last night’s thoughts. They were rotating in my head over and over making me feel like I was stuck somewhere with absolutely no way out. That is usual with my mind. It traps in a situation and makes me feel hopeless. It doesn’t just happen with work.…

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Life right now

It’s 6:29 pm. I am back in the library. The keyboard is not standing at an angle. Most keyboards here have the stands broken. I was thinking of going home after my workout but words were flying through my head. I couldn’t stop them so I realized it’s probably not the best day to go home and lay under my blanket. Plus, I am very cold these days. The weather is changing. It’s supposed to snow tonight. It has already snowed about 3 hrs north. More snow about 4.5 hrs north. Checking the weather patterns is part of my job.…

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Writing memories, leaving things behind and changing my focus

Today I am remembering the old days when I used to scratch out what I wrote because I didn’t think it would be acceptable by others. Write, scratch, write more “carefully”. It’s weird how we don’t realize that our life is very controlled by all of this crap. Crap also known as Expectations. Some put on by others and some, ourselves. Crap! No one was telling me to erase my words when I cut them out. It was me. I wanted to get rid of them because they were simply not sounding as awesome as I thought, or just not…

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The next step: Travel as a way of life?

I have been wondering for a long time what is it that I am not doing. There was a time when everything had started feeling boring. So I had dropped it all. Because nothing brought me comfort or satisfaction. Everything felt just extremely boring. I don’t think it’s a feeling I can really describe fully. You are unable to concentrate on anything because nothing brings you joy. And joy is a bit of an over statement. When nothing can even make you smile or laugh. You are in another world. A world you do not choose for yourself but a…

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Self Love: The Beginning

Whenever I feel confused in life, I go to the library and start typing. It takes a lot of effort to get out of your office chair and into your life one. I wasn’t going to go out on lunch today. But then i realized I’ll be caught in this web of work with things flying in my head from every direction about what I still have to do. I would never be able to solve any of it because I am waiting on others but it would keep me worried. I am not having as much fun because i…

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Message to the world

I have written many posts starting exactly the same way. “I don’t know what to write about today.” Yet I have so much to say. I don’t even know where to begin. I have too much to say. But I am not ready to say it yet. I tried saying it and deleted it. I probably don’t even have a backup copy of it anymore. I don’t even remember what all happened. I don’t even know what will happen tomorrow. I am living this kind of life now. Not knowing what’s going to happen next in my life. Because of…

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Let’s meet face to face

Hi all!! I have been away from the blogosphere for a while and that’s because life took an interesting turn. As a result of that, I have been changing and have become more eager to live my dreams. One of my dreams has been to deliver my message of living like a flower face to face. And that’s what I have been trying to do over the last few months. I have been making videos and keeping them private. That’s because I wasn’t ready to share them. Today I would like to introduce you to my youtube channel so you…

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YOU ARE STRONG!!!

There are many types of times. Some might just break them down into good and bad. I haven’t really written for my blog in a really long time. I don’t know what to write either. Few days ago I looked at my WordPress Reader after a long time. Reader is the place you see articles from blogs you follow. Some are seeing the arrival of Spring and some are sighing about the arrival of Autumn in their lives. We are all in the same world in completely different seasons at the same time. Winter has been great. We had a few…

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