Yes. This was the unfortunate truth of life. It was not always possible to be a smiley face. It was also not always possible to be a sad face either.
Two months ago, I started questioning some things. If I am really considered “lucky” (as per my life horoscope), how is being sick lucky at all? Why were terrible things happening to me all over again? Why did I, at a very young age, always had to deal with stupid health problems that even doctors could never figure out the causes of? Why was I a victim of all of this? How does any of this non-sense make me “lucky”? How exactly? I asked myself that question countless number of times. Being “lucky”….. I know. I know what it means now……
Being lucky did not mean being able to sneak out of a bad situation easily or always ending up with the most amazing things in your life. It meant having it all – the good and the bad. It meant experiencing every possible feeling in this world and yet coming out alive every single time. It meant having weights on both of your hands and perhaps, even some on your shoulders because they couldn’t all fit into your hands. That is what it meant to be “lucky”. To be alive and breathing in all your glory in spite of what came your way.
Physical pain? It was not a problem. I was used to it by now. It often left my body by the time I went to the doctor. Myself being the cause of it? I was so not ready for it! A few weeks ago when I met the specialist, it was the most annoying conversation I had ever had in my life. He had told me that every kind of back pain could be corrected by just improving your posture. That was the good part but sadly, it was not something that could be changed in a day. If you sit, stand and walk a certain way, you couldn’t just wear a cape and do it differently the next second. Grrrr… times you wish you had a super power ahhhh. That was the next challenge in my life – to improve my posture. Phew!
After being awfully stressed about this new change I had to make in my life and stretching my muscles far beyond they are used to (ie to the “correct” posture), I had had enough. I was tired of reading articles about it and everything was all way too overwhelming. That was when I realized…..I needed a plan! There were always going to be a million things you can do to achieve something and trying to do it all would take away my motivation to do anything at all. That is when I found my favourite youtuber’s video about her health issues and how setting her mind in the right direction was a critical step in making change happen in her life. “I am doing this to be healthy” was her message and it really helped me think straight. You can’t control what happens to you but you can control what kind of effect it has on you. I vividly remember writing this.
Therefore, as always, I had opened up a spreadsheet and was ready to read about posture improvement exercises. The plan was to pick 5 exercises I was going to do regularly to live a healthier life. I had recorded it all – the name of exercises, instructions on how to do each one, the recommended frequency of each exercise, the amount of time it would take in total (considering the recommended frequency), whether it required any special equipment or not and the videos for future reference. I filtered them out by the ones that had the most benefit and could be done at home without any special equipment. I was ready for making this change happen in my life and to top it all off, the training videos on youtube included really cute guys 😛 . The total time approximated to about 15 mins a day and it was not much at all. It was enough to fit into my work breaks.
So that is what I started doing in my breaks – exercising at the work gym. Most of the time, the gym is a quiet place during the day and no one is even there. Everyday this week, I picked up 2 mats and did as many exercises as I could in those 15 mins. The uncomfortable, but not painful stretches were all possible on those mats. I even became better at them with each passing day. Sometimes some people popped into the exercise room and also did some stretching! Who knew? I was definitely not alone. On that mat alone though, I realized a couple of things:
- There was no time to think. You just had to do what you had to do
- It was alright for some experiences to be a lil’ painful
- Eventually muscles relaxed and there was relief
- The mat welcomed all my frustration and anger and hence, no one else had to get hurt hahaha
It was enough. Perfectly enough. To be accepted for who I am, to be comforted by my own self and to be working hard to embark on a new journey which will help me look oh-so-beautiful, all on this mat. It was enough. Perfectly enough.
This smile project moment is what I call “The ChimiChoori”, the art of being comfortable in your own misery. Choori is made with a lot of effort by mixing hot corn roti into brown sugar. Without the effort (ie the “chimi”), it would not be possible to have a delicious Choori.
Thank you for reading this heart-heart post. Live well, be healthy and remember, there is no better gift in life than being alive.