I haven’t written in a long time so I am not exactly sure what I can come up with. A lot of things are riling up in my heart and people are kind of ignoring it. Maybe they don’t want to deal with me is what I am thinking. But I am wrong, I know. But it irritates me. The thought of not having my concerns settled. I get the princess service everywhere I go. Most people respond kindly. So anything out of the ordinary, especially ignoring, is not something I appreciate. What I have to say is worth is sharing. I read this poem from Pillow thoughts by Courtney Peppernell a while ago and it’s a beautiful one. From it I really like this part:
The things you have to say are important; you should never allow someone to make you feel as though they aren’t. You should never tolerate someone who can’t acknowledge the news you have to share. You don’t need this in your life. Let go of people who don’t make you happy.
Life is a very interesting experience. This is the 8th month of the year. A lot has happened this year. There were many times in my life when I did not want to live. But this year I finally reached a point that my body physically and mentally reached a point that it saw no hope for anything in life anymore. I still don’t see a point to it. But they say, in dying there is a re-birth. Maybe I have been reborn and I don’t know it yet.
Compared to a few years ago, I have become extremely social. You are talking about a girl who was happy sitting at home all day long writing her diary, blogposts and books all day long and going to the park and swimming every day. Now I call people constantly and meet friends often. My life revolves constantly around talking to people. I can’t go a single day without talking to people or I know my brain will start to mess things up. I can’t really be left alone like I used to be able to. My brain can no longer be trusted when alone.
My writings have become less. Inspiration does not come very often. But I have started writing my diary again in an effort to reconnect with myself more and less with others. I am enjoying being social but I am missing just sitting there and talking to myself. Because people respond and I don’t always appreciate it. My diary doesn’t. It always just listens. The main reason I fell in love with it in the first place. Because it did the one thing no one in this world could do for me: it listened. I don’t know why people think that love is in providing solutions. It is not. It is simply in quietly listening and understanding every word that is said. Overflowing love is simply in understanding every word that is being said. I hope you do that for someone. Just anyone in this world. Listen to their story. Read random comments on youtube and hit like or reply. Read stories of people who feel rejected by society. Give them love. Give them hugs. Give them whatever you can. Make somebody feel comfortable in who they are. Make them feel secure. Love is important. We must not only carry it within our hearts, we must spread it.
Meditations and dance. The 2 things that go together for me I have forgotten as well. But yesterday at the Regina Folk Fest they came back to me. My words came back to me:
Forget about the world and dance.
I hope you do that for yourself. I hope you drown out the noises and go. I miss the days when I used to come home and put on yoga music, close my eyes and just let my body go. I later discovered that what I started doing on my own was known as Dance Meditation. I need it in my life again. Om shanti.
I am also trying to study by myself. Studying is the oldest method of setting my brain straight. It soothes my mind. It is the most liberating thing in the world. The most meditative thing. I wonder why kids hate it. I could just study all day and just eat when I need to. I love studying, it’s my favorite thing to do in this world.
My spirit guide passed away in the last few weeks. I wasn’t very happy. But I know he’ll always be with me in my meditations. There’s no way he would have left me alone in this world. It is impossible, I know.
I hope you are all doing well. My life has been doing considerably well. My health is well. I sleep well. All I can say is I am in much better place than I have been in the last few years and it is just wonderful. It is a blessing to be here. Hope it just keeps getting better. They say life is designed to keep getting better so hey! Let’s hope for exciting things in the future.
Love you. Thank you so much for being here.
Ish Kish Mish