The first weekend by myself

I have had a pretty lazy weekend. Quite honestly, I have spent it doing absolutely nothing other than sitting around and sleeping as much as possible. It wasn’t until now I realized I should get up and eat something. Reluctantly, I made roti and finished the leftover veges my mom had given me last week. I haven’t even made anything new. Couldn’t even go get grocery. I was just too overwhelmed. Too overwhelmed with the fact that I have to work. That that’s the normal that humans live in. There’s no point talking to anyone either because that’s what everyone…

Continue reading

Moments from misery – Anxiety and Depression

It’s 6:00pm. I am not home yet. I don’t have productive evenings. I go to work everyday not really feeling my best most of the times and then I come home and are even more energyless. I don’t feel like doing anything. All day and all evening. Some people like to take the easy way and call it laziness. I personally don’t know how to describe it. I have tried using some words but they sound too extreme and make me feel like there is something wrong with me. Now it might not be completely wrong that something could be…

Continue reading

Making a U-turn

It’s 7:40pm. I had a busy evening today. Went to the gym and then walked to a restaurant to eat. Got home and took a shower. It was the first day of snow today. It started snowing last night and continued on all day. I was pretty bummed out all morning from just last night’s thoughts. They were rotating in my head over and over making me feel like I was stuck somewhere with absolutely no way out. That is usual with my mind. It traps in a situation and makes me feel hopeless. It doesn’t just happen with work.…

Continue reading

Life right now

It’s 6:29 pm. I am back in the library. The keyboard is not standing at an angle. Most keyboards here have the stands broken. I was thinking of going home after my workout but words were flying through my head. I couldn’t stop them so I realized it’s probably not the best day to go home and lay under my blanket. Plus, I am very cold these days. The weather is changing. It’s supposed to snow tonight. It has already snowed about 3 hrs north. More snow about 4.5 hrs north. Checking the weather patterns is part of my job.…

Continue reading

Writing memories, leaving things behind and changing my focus

Today I am remembering the old days when I used to scratch out what I wrote because I didn’t think it would be acceptable by others. Write, scratch, write more “carefully”. It’s weird how we don’t realize that our life is very controlled by all of this crap. Crap also known as Expectations. Some put on by others and some, ourselves. Crap! No one was telling me to erase my words when I cut them out. It was me. I wanted to get rid of them because they were simply not sounding as awesome as I thought, or just not…

Continue reading